I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
