im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
