I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
