i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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