Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just want to make out with him forever
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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