we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
