Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
