I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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