I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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