I just saw a hot homeless man
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
