Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
