she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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