i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
