This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
