it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
