I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize