I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
