The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
