I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
