i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
