New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
