Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
