walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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