Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
