I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
