you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
