She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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