guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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