dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
