Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
