Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found a bag of teeth...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize