16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
