Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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