Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
