Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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