I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize