I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
