Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize