naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
