whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
