You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
