I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
