Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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