stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
