She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
