you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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