You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
