but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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