scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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