Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
