I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
