Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
