A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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