I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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