There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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