She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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