Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
