i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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