I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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