Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
