i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
be right there i have to get my cape
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sext me about skeletons
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
