my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize