she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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