his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
