oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Watching her eat just hurts me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
