I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
