Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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