hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
