so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
