You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
