If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize