Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
