i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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