he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
