Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
