A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
whose parrot is this?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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